Overcome an addiction totally. Go from “recovering” to recovered! Too often it seems we hold onto a debilitated state. (J)
J continues “We are recovering alcoholics, sex addicts. We have scars from childhood, a failed marriage, a personal tragedy. Do we want people to feel sorry for us? If this statement causes you anger, then the answer is yes. Certainly these states will exist, but why should they persist? When can the healing begin and when is it over?”
I had mixed feelings about J’s suggestion when I first read it – but I think it makes more sense to me now. It’s kind of like the difference between being a recovering victim of something and being someone who has survived. There are many terrible, unwarranted things that happen to people that take some time healing, and some of them are things that we do to ourselves without understanding the consequences. And when one sees the way that their behavior is holding them back and decides to change, there is certainly a process, that may take a very long time, maybe even years.
It is definitely a very human thing to want sympathy and support. But I think what J means is that there is a point to let go of the things in our past that we have overcome. There is a point at which it is time to stop saying “look at this terrible thing that happened to me”and stop letting it define who you are. Maybe it is something that you can use to help other people who have the same issue (an attitude of “I got past this and you can too!”), and maybe it is healthier for you to set down altogether and continue on your way.
I can’t quite explain it the way I see it in my head, but I think an example for me would be getting over a relationship that had long term negative consequences for me, some of which I helped cause. At first, it was very helpful and yes gratifying too, to share my story and get sympathy and support. For awhile, I wanted people to feel sorry for this terrible thing that had happened to me, and I don’t think it is wrong to feel this way…for a little while.
But, eventually there came a time when I didn’t want to be known as the person who overcame this obstacle, but to put it down and stop talking about it because it was done and I’m not going back. I realized that by constantly rehashing it, it was keeping me from moving forward and living NOW. (And yet here I go again – however, I will justify it by saying I need an example and leaving out the specifics.)
This is what I think J means. Recovery time is important and you should take the time you need, but until something is in “ed” in your past, instead of an “ing” in your present, you will still be carrying it around.
Here’s to healing and being healed so that you can start fresh from today!
* I would like to thank Ray Woodcock at “God, Spirituality, the Supernatural, and All That” for his support. Check out his blog!